Making the Mental Load Visible & Shared
I wonder how often we do what we do, without even pausing to acknowledge it, even to ourselves. Are we unintentionally making our mental load even more invisible? When we partner with others, sharing the load, they are often surprised and quite exhausted by what mothers do every day. We are not a failure feeling overwhelmed, anyone would be.
What can we do about it?
Shouldn’t we be making the invisible more visible, so there is opportunity for greater equity and teamwork in families. What does a mother do before they leave for the day? On your phone or in a notebook record all the things that make for a successful day/week for your family. Lunches, breakfasts, dinners, snacks, birthdays, parties, excursions, new clothes, washing, folding, naming, Book Week, Science Week, any week! Medical appointments, homework, building skills, coaching. Record what you do to lead and grow your family. Through no fault mothers have taken on so much. Generational and societal expectations and dare I say it, judgement, are a weight. Add to this our own high expectations and lack of self-compassion.
Now, awareness alone won’t create greater equity, but it’s a start. If you record everything you eat in a day, or how many times you’ve picked up your phone you can be quite shocked. Making it visible, permits it to exist, not just in your mind, so our inner critic can get to work on it, but in everyone’s mind. When others are aware of the invisible load, there is opportunity for honest, open discussion and greater equity. Maybe, it’s an opportunity to let go a bit, teach, coach, and build other’s capability. Trying to control everything leads to illbeing, isolation and possibly resentment. Sometimes as a mother we might say it’s easier to do it ourselves, but is it? If your life is often overwhelming, make the invisible visible.
By weaving greater equity into home life, we give others an opportunity to build skills, confidence, and self-belief. Our partners and our children. Our homes are systems too with all the family interacting and influencing each other. It’s important that our children share tasks in the home. Studies have shown that this leads to greater self-belief and to be more successful in life.
“Mental load, when thinking work becomes emotional. This makes it a load.”