The Perfect Mother doesn’t exist….
The digital world and social media provide us with a lot of information, some credible and much that is not. The media portrays ‘the ideal mother’ and this fictional woman is serene and calm. It shares with us parenting advice about how to be the perfect parent. It is hard not to feel a failure when we become dysregulated during stressful times of the day or night.
We often berate ourselves when we haven’t been at our best. It's important to give ourselves more self compassion for the significant, demanding and constant job that is mothering/parenting. Perhaps it was a blessing that the older generations of women didn’t have all this online advice?
They were able to mother from their instincts with advice from their smaller trusted village, deciding what worked best for their families without comparing themselves to the glossy, filtered, curated lives of others. Our mothers weren’t always calm and zen for our whole childhood but we never questioned their unwavering love for us. Being real and authentic is important, making mistakes and apologising for them, modelling to our children that it's okay to make mistakes and perfection isn’t something to strive towards.
There are many stressors during Matrescence and in life, and we experience little spikes of the stress hormone (cortisol) each day. Cortisol is an important part of our whole being, how our body reacts to stress is a significant indicator of overall wellbeing. Some stress helps us perform at our best but chronic stress negatively impacts our health and wellbeing. Mothers adapt to stress and therefore build great resilience but we need to also have the ability to switch out of ‘fight or flight’ mode in order to avoid chronic stress conditions.
“There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”
Understanding Cortisol…
What is cortisol?
It is a steroid hormone that is produced by the adrenal glands, it is commonly called the ‘stress hormone.’
What does it do?
It plays an integral role in regulating metabolism, blood pressure, immunity, the sleep-wake cycle, how our body uses glucose, and memory function.
Cortisol over the day:
Normally the biggest cortisol peak is within the first hour of waking up. A good high peak of cortisol in the morning is important to ensure ease of falling asleep at night.
In an irregular pattern (ie. acute adrenal fatigue) there can be low cortisol levels on waking and then the cortisol builds as the day progresses and peaks in the afternoon or later in the day. This makes falling asleep at nighttime difficult even though you may be exhausted.
“My mother was my role model before I even knew what the word was.”